College Peeps: What about your Friends?

College Peeps: What about your Friends? Ep. 4 of LGITW

[: 00:00:00

I love them dearly and we have been on such a journey with each other. So, without further adieu, I want to introduce Dee ,Shandis and Latrice. Thank you. You all so much for coming. Welcome, welcome wall.

DeAndra: Thank you.

Thank you for having me.

Nikki C.: Yes

Latrice: thank you.

Shandis: Yes hi, good to see you all again, or chat with you all again.

Yes. Yes.

alk about is our friendships [: 00:01:00

And that's one of the things that we, as people we don't always talk about are how impactful our friendships are. So today I just wanted to just have a fun conversation about friendships and just talking like, you know, cause I actually been talking to these people for a while today cause we just did a book club and it was really, really fun.

But just this let's get into it. Let's get to talking.

So let's talk about friendship, ladies. , is hard over the years is maintaining friendships. How. Let's say let's start a, how do we all get started? Do you guys remember how we all met?

Shandis: Um, [: 00:02:00

I honestly cannot recall exactly which ones I do know Nikita you and I have. English together. Um, DeAndra, I want to say it was a sociology class and there was a semester that Latrice and I both decided just to be extra in our lives and we took 18 credit hours and. Three of those days, we had five classes in a row and I went to my first class, my second class, my third class, all those Latrice was there.

I don't recall how it became [: 00:03:00

Nikki C.: Yeah, I kind of remembered the same Shanice.

I remember what think we were the only two people at the time of color and our classroom.

So we got a lot of references to whenever we talked about anything that had anything to do with a black character or anything, they would always look to us to, to be the guiding light. I think so it was really a fun experience. And I don't think when we first met, I don't think I liked you.

Shandis: Yes, I did

not like you either.

Latrice: That's funny.

Nikki C.: I really didn't. Um, because I was just like man. She's always sitting in the back and I just, I don't really know her, but I can't really relate to her. Um, I don't think we have anything in common.

were friends, even though we [: 00:04:00

So that also kind of bothered me. They'd be like, where's your friend. I don't know her. Like, I don't know where she is. You're not here. It's not my friend, but eventually we became friends and now to this day still are the best of friends.

Nikki C.: Yes. Yes. And, um, that was, oh my gosh. What a time that was.

Latrice: Yeah. I remember, I remember me and Shandis having a clear conversation, how we were going to friend DeAndra because we were all the same...

we were all the same major. Yeah. And so me and Shandis connected first and then we kept seeing Deandra and I class, it was like, oh, we have to do it. We're going to have to go, you know, scoop her up. And I guess the rest is history. I don't even know what we said. And, um, you know, Deandra. You know, she, I don't know.

She just went on people that just, you say something to her and she's like, oh, okay. Yeah. You know, and then that was the rest is history.

ikki C.: Yeah. I think I met [: 00:05:00

We had some kind of kickoff type of thing and yeah, it was just some random, you know, when you're freshmen, they just throw all these activities for you to do. And I just remember meeting her and I was like, I keep seeing this young lady everywhere I turn. And I think we're just destined to be right at this point.

So it was really cool how we kind of connected, but I, it was. I feel like all of my friends at first, when I first made, made friends, it was just this weird dynamic. It was like, I don't know. Can I trust this person? Do I like this? Perfect. Not really sure. But once we were able to all open up and just. And develop this friendship.

ch and it's just so exciting [: 00:06:00

DeAndra: It was really different because I'm so used to seeing, you know, certain people like on a daily basis, like friends from work, I see them every day.

And then all of a sudden it's like, okay, well, the only way we can communicate is through IM. And then also just like, you know, Friends that I do hang out with outside of work, you know, I think everybody ended up becoming in like their own bubbles. So sometimes, we would talk, but it would be a lot less frequent than what it was prior.

pped everything upside down. [: 00:07:00

So we were able, like those friends from work, we were able to do. Start having, mini dinner dates. So then we could catch up for, you know, what's been going on in their world for the past month, friends, other friends that, you know, I used to see, outside of work, then we're able to just have those normal conversations.

Cause it's just like, okay, well, I know that, you haven't been infected and , I'll have a couple people over. We can talk on the phone or text or whatever, you know, we can still keep in contact, but I think it just made people a lot more cautious than what they were prior.

Nikki C.: Most definitely.

like, almost had to see your [: 00:08:00

And I was like, I'm all, like, I even think about the people in my building. They not, wearing a mask, I got to wear a mask in the hallway. I was all masked up like and no, no, no, I'm not meeting no. We can just sit outside no. We can't, we can't do that because I don't know who else you've been sitting with.

So I was just really like, anti people during this, so I was really grateful for zoom.

Latrice: Yeah definitely.

Nikki C.: Zoom became my

friend. Like I, uh, I think we all even had a moment where we were on zoom. I think it had been years since we talked. Right. I can't even remember. The last time...

for about, four about random [: 00:09:00

I think Latrice had the baby, she went grocery shopping.

Nikki C.: Yes. Oh, my gosh, like life got in our way, but it was so cool to just be able to catch up like that. Um, I was like, wow. I, I enjoyed it so much. So just seeing everybody, cause I don't think, I think last time we all saw each other was maybe a wedding. Um, you know, cause everybody does. One of the things life gets in the way people have babies, they get bought houses, they get married, they go to school.

We were just doing all these different things, but the foundation was still what was it? for usable to, for us to just stay friends for so long, the way we did.

all very, even though we're [: 00:10:00

You know, I may not talk to Latrice for six months, but that seven months that I call, I can tell her anything, talk to her about anything. Know, she's always going to be there. Same, for Dee, same for Nikita. So it's just, we have a real true friendship. So time. Doesn't matter.

Nikki C.: Yeah. I love that about you guys. It's not everybody with can be like.

I'm like, Hey, I want to do this podcasts. You guys want to join me and you guys do without hesitation. I'm like, sure. And I'm like, well, maybe that was a little hesitation.

I'm not gonna say the name.

gh, you know, our lives have [: 00:11:00

We all have changed a lot , over the years and like Shandis said, you know, when we do check in, it's not like. We've been apart that long. I still, you know, y'all are still the same girls that I hung out with every what? Friday night? Thursday night.

Nikki C.: You know, I mean snow storms....

nybody else or, you know, or [: 00:12:00

No about that. Yeah. I'm kidding about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, you know, are what I've accomplished. I didn't accomplish that life. Like y'all liked me. Y'all was my friends for me. Um, and so I think that's, what's held us together. Having created, like we check in who even talks about work, like who cares?

Nikki C.: Like, no, I think we would go four whole hours and no mention of work at all.

Latrice: Like, I want to talk about it or think about it. Like these are my girls and we can just reflect on what's going on or what's not going on or what, you know,

Nikki C.: Yeah. I don't even remember what we talked about for four hours, but we, and it was like, okay, I think we just have to get off the phone.

The baby's ready to go to bed, you know?

when we hung out, we didn't [: 00:13:00

Nikki C.: She was the fifth member of the group, but she, she had the most attitude of yes, she was. She did, she was, she was our fifth member, but she bought, she was a smallest one, but had the most attitude and the most personality of all.

Latrice: And I think we all have our roles. Like, Shandis , she's the big sister of the group, she kind of, uh, she wears that role.

you know, I, I'm definitely [: 00:14:00

yes, I have the more babies tendencies.

Nikki C.: Um, I always feel like you are heart of the group. You just keep the love going and keep us all feeling. Just connected. And I love that about you and, and DeAndra you, keep us laughing and it's never a dull moment with the DeAndra.

Shandis: Yes. I always can go to the, for a good laugh.

Tell her whatever out. So she's always there. No matter what, you know, even if you don't talk to her for months, not intentionally, just because it gets in the way. Yes. But you texted her, you call her she's right there. She's going to help listen, be there for you. So, yeah.

Nikki C.: Yeah. I'd love that about us, man, man.

many years. Yeah. You know, [: 00:15:00

Shandis: You know? Cause we were, you know, at one point we were seeing each other every weekend, every, you know, talking to each other multiple times a week and then we went from that to. Dang. It's been a year when the last time I'll talk to such and such. Oh man, I think it's been about six months to a year. I'm like, I need to pick up the phone.

Um, but, and it, it's never a feeling of while you can't even make time for me because you know, you, you ever, if you guys ever been in situations where some friendships, they just don't understand that you just, you know, it's not that you don't want to have time for them. It's just, you got so much going on that it's hard to maintain friendships.

ause you say that, I think I [: 00:16:00

And nothing was weird. I first thought maybe it's going to be weird cause I haven't seen them in a while, but no, just like we never left.

Nikki C.: Oh, I got to walk back to my shoes.

DeAndra: Yes, no, that leaves a very bad taste in my mouth still. I still hate American airlines just because of it. Yeah.

that, uh, that gel thing, I [: 00:17:00

But, um, that was the last time I got a got money done like that, but it was fun. It was, it was fun. It was a fun experience. The good thing is we've, we've had, we've been fortunate to have very positive friendship

. I don't even think we've ever any of us have ever really gotten into any arguments.

Latrice: Like. Oh, yeah, it wasn't a frequent thing, but we did, especially when was in Chicago looking for rice.

Shandis: Exactly an argument. Yeah,

Nikki C.: I think for that, I think I blacked out hole out of my mind.

for so long after that. That [: 00:18:00

Nikki C.: . Yeah. Yeah. I think I wanted to look at some colleges.

Latrice: And yeah, that would be that's the only time I ever seen Deandra mad. Yeah. I guess, you know, I think Chicago traffic will do that to everyone.

Shandis: I think so definitely. And that again shows our friendship as women and as being true to each other, you know, as Nikita said, she wanted to go look at some colleges. We went with her. We really didn't have a reason to go other than she needed to go. So we went, um,

DeAndra: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, it wasn't even a second thought. It was just like, you know, I want him to check out the school and it's just like, Yeah, let's go up there. We'll check it out with you. You know, you don't have to even go up there by yourself. So it's like, you know, that was really wanted to do.

And you know, that was just that support.

Nikki C.: Yeah. And [: 00:19:00

I'm just so grateful for, um, the friendship that we have been able to maintain all of these years. Um, we talk about the positives of friendship, but. when is it time in your, in your guys's opinion, when is the connection toxic and when do you,? You learn to walk away from how do you walk away from, have you guys had any of those experiences?

have been maybe coworkers or [: 00:20:00

So-and-so may come to you and talk about so-and-so and then you see them again. And they're best friends and they're smiling. And. As an adult has made me look at friendships differently. Like I don't any more call everybody my friend. That's just somebody maybe I know, or that's an acquaintance, a coworker, whatever they may be.

But as far as a friend, I need to know, I can count on you that if I'm not in the room, you're not going to be speaking poorly on me or anything like that. And I have encountered those people. Distance myself away from them. Totally.

Nikki C.: Because I don't need any other drama, any stress, anything like that. So, yeah, I don't do drama very well, nor nor do I like to be around dramatic people.

t mind hanging out with you. [: 00:21:00

Latrice: From me, I felt like sometimes it happens naturally if you're naturally growing and you making different decisions, people, you know, they, you know, they'll, they'll, they'll, you know, they'll cut themselves out of the equation, you know, naturally because they don't, you know, I met you, you wasn't this, or you wasn't that, or you changed or what you believe or what you do.

So, you wished them well, You know, the calls become less, the texts become less. Next thing you know, you know, you haven't even thought about that person and it's not in a negative way. And I don't necessarily, I think the, I call it this between a lifelong friend and a seasonal friends.

hat everybody's not meant to [: 00:22:00

Everybody's not a part of that chapter of your life. So you can't, you know, you can't expect to try to take people who aren't meant to go with you in that way. And that took a lot of learning for me to do. Um, you know, and I think I, I don't, I don't, I don't really. Surprisingly, I don't, I have not had had a lot of people that I've called friends.

I'm not really quick. So y'all rare. I've never been really quick to call people, to call people my friends. I have people that I know I associate with and people I work with, but I'm not, I don't hang out with a lot of people. Never had. It was you. I hung out with y'all and y'all don't y'all know my other friends, like that was it.

riends. I had other friends, [: 00:23:00

Shandis: I still have really good friendships, um, genuine people that I call in. And like I said, that, like you said, that's not a niche. That's not something we throw around. You know, you can't throw around that word.

DeAndra: I was going to say, just like, from my own experiences, I don't keep a lot of people like close by.

Cause I'm one of those people, like you basically have to earn it for me. So I'm gonna know you first, like, let me see how you work. Kind of like we're going back to the book club. Kind of like how Sicily Ms. Cicely Tyson was, I'm more observant. So I'm going to just sit and see how you move and see if it's something if you're a person that I do want to be around, but if not like to keep it, keep people more at arms length.

Most times those [: 00:24:00

You don't want that in your world. Don't bring that toxicity over here. And then just naturally over time, it just automatically just fell off. So it was just like, well, it's not something that directly affected me and it's not like, kind of like what Latrice was saying. I don't miss them. I don't sit.

you know, they're not going [: 00:25:00

Nikki C.: Oh my gosh. They're just, it just resonates so well because some situations they just not meant to be forever. And in some people, I think that sometimes we miss some friendships because it's like, oh, This person, but then there are just some that it's just not meant to last forever.

It's just meant to be in that season. And in that season it was great. And you just live in that moment and some of them, you know, you'll know, you'll always have a connection, you know, through those handful of situations on a song it's like, oh, but then at the time, Do I really miss? I don't miss everyone.

I really don't. Um, I don't think about everybody. I, the ones who I wanted to keep up with, I have, and they have and vice versa and they'll always be lifelong friends. So I'm, I'm fortunate and I I'm really fortunate to have you guys. In that friendships. So we, we tied, like I said, we talked about the negatives.

the qualities in you guys as [: 00:26:00

Latrice: Celebrate show friends, like if they're doing celebrate them, like, it was a pleasure for me to be able to come to Shandis when I was excited,

Nikki C.: I had the time of my life and I was wearing my favorite color.

Latrice: I was like, oh no, I'm there. I'm in. When you wrote your book, I was excited. You know, I was like, and with D with the school, I didn't even know she was in school, but when she feels, I was like, we got it at the end. I was like, I, um, When you are genuinely someone's friend, you don't, you know, there's a lot of, like Shandis said it there with women is hard because you know, you can be envious jealousy.

with any of you. I've never [: 00:27:00

I was so excited when I got to Elaina, I was like, oh, I found it to meet her.

And I still carry her. Even it's been years since I've seen her, I carry her with me. And I know, how excited I knew how excited Shandis was to have. You know, to have our daughter, because I knew Shandis and I know she was always been family oriented. She's always been close knit with her family.

Shandis: So I knew that that was something that she wanted. So I was excited for her and I noticed she was the same for me. Yeah.

Oh yeah.

le to make it back up, but I [: 00:28:00

I don't miss a birthday or Christmas. That's my baby period.

Nikki C.: Elaina is adorable. I love both of them. Oh my gosh. The kids, man. They just, they bring an interest to see that little personalities flourish. I love it. I love it. I see you got, I see a little piece of them, of you all in each of them. And it's just amazing.

I remember the first time I held Elaina, you know, I was like, oh, terrified.

st to see her smile and take [: 00:29:00

Shandis little mini

me.

Nikki C.: That's like my best friend right there.

Shandis: That's what I was going to say. Anytime I say Nikita, or if I say my friend Nikita, she always says our friend Nikita.

Nikki C.: Oh my gosh. I love the people. They're hilarious. And they're funny. And even when we're on a,

so, you know, it's just, I love, we love each other. We love. Seeing the growth in one another and just seeing and having these milestones. I remember when Dee bought our house, I was in awe because I was like, you better. Oh my gosh. That was just an amazing just journey. Just life, this milestones. And just thinking about how we.

her and graduation and, and, [: 00:30:00

Missed in terms of they've missed, um, communicating or it's been awhile. It's never too late to just pick up the phone. You know, if that was a really good relationship or friendship and you felt a mist, you know, it meant something to you and just pick up the, pick up the phone. Um, you guys have always been a phone call or a text away and, and social media has kept us all.

In tune with each other's lives. I love that.

Shandis: Um, yeah, these now social media. So it's so hard to catch up with her. That's why we know she was graduating.

I was [: 00:31:00

wait.

Latrice: And she came to my wedding. I'm like you couldn't, you know, I, she was the school then I think.

Nikki C.: Yeah. Yeah, I was, we, we didn't know, we got that. We, we found it, but that's how the road, she just kind of goes with it and then, you know, she's like, oh yeah, yeah. I just bought a house by the way. It's like a whole plan, no big deal, but that's her personality. And that's why we love her so much.

DeAndra: Um, yes, you have a story about friendship, so it doesn't matter how long of time.

[: 00:32:00

They have been friends forever. They've been friends. For at least 40, 45 years, but they hadn't spoken in years, but she could still pick up the phone and give her a call. And they'll just start right back, like nothing ever happened. So once someone leaves an imprint on your heart, you have those memories with that person.

You'll be able to just pick up the phone and you'll be able to just pick up where you left off. If it's a true and genuine friendship, there's no questions that need to be asked. They'll just, they'll just pick up the phone and no, we're not going to sit there and be like, oh, well you ain't call me and this, that, and that you'd be able to say and just say, you know, Hey.

How are you doing?

t. And that's because we all [: 00:33:00

I ain't that far away, but you know, Covid, but

yeah, but it's fair to say, oh yeah, you guys in the space.

So that's all good. That's how our friendship go. That's how, you know, you're not really friends. You can live around the corner. I ain't seen you in tell you.

know. I remember one time it [: 00:34:00

Nikki C.: December 31st and I was just home for the holidays and I told DJ, like, you want me to come?

And at the time I think Dean was about, maybe about four or five hours away from where I live. I can't remember. I don't know. I can't do the math, but it was a, it was a ways. Um, but you just came up for that time, spent like a couple hours out. And then you went and then you get rightly mom's, like she drove all the way up here.

Shandis: I was like, that's. Cause she, my mama, you know what you remember?

Latrice: She was on the same one whenever I had to go to the visit, you know, that's what friends you up. Take you somewhere. Yeah. And you know, my mom was always about staying at the house and resting for a little while. And the night I was like, yeah, no, she gotta go mama.

ouple of bad restaurants out [: 00:35:00

We just had an experience. Um, Yeah, that was a pretty, that was really bad.

Shandis: We ain't going to say the name of it, but it was pretty bad soul food restaurant.

Latrice: I mean, I was in DC for work and training. And then, you know, you came and grow the train to see me. I was like, you know,

Nikki C.: I don't know where I am, but I'm going. Cause my home girl is on this side

Latrice: and she came and saw him and sat with me for like 30 minutes shot. It was just like, my heart was full. Yeah. Yes, I love, I loved it. I know that. And it was so cool to see you. We took pictures like, yeah, we was going somewhere special.

ndship is never too late to, [: 00:36:00

Shandis: Cause if they're really a true friends, they're going to just be happy that you pick up the phone. And, and you, and you can talk like no times. And if you don't have an, if you don't have those relationships, it's not too late to, to have those, you know, when you, when you, when you get it, you'll know. Um, when we all became friends, we just knew, we knew it was going to be something special.

and it has been.. And I just want to thank you all for taking the time out of your busy day, even with all of the, the audio issues and everything else we had to take. I still thank you guys for staying on and just, just talking with me, you guys. Awesome.

DeAndra: It's never an issue anytime, anytime, right?

Shandis: Exactly. That's what friends do.

And that's what they're for to be there for you when you need them. So that's what we

s so many songs I would want [: 00:37:00

in my head right now, friendship song they could possibly be going on. Right. Right on, you know, you know, and that's what they for. And you know, what about your friends and all of that? They are never let me down. Golden girls. Thank you for being a friend. You guys are amazing. Um, so just to close it out, um, I just want to, if you guys have any closing remarks or any shout outs you want to give any, you know, you want to give them.

Nikki C.: Social media, whatever, whatever, where we can find, you know, this is your time to go ahead and shout it out if you so choose. If not, you know, that's okay too.

did find a quote that I feel [: 00:38:00

It is unknown. I wasn't able to decipher. No to it, but it said a strong friendship doesn't need daily conversation. Doesn't always need togetherness. As long as the relationship lives in the heart, true friends will never be.

Nikki C.: Yes. I love it. I love it. I love it. , I'll be sure to put that quote in the description, um, for, for us. Um, but thank you all. Thank you D thank you, Shandis. Thank you, Latrice for just, just being authentic, deeply yourselves and, uh, I couldn't have it any other way. Um, you guys have been a joy.

ne. Tune in every Thursday at: 10:00